The Five Phases of Divorce You’ll Go Through.
2. Anger. The second phase of divorce is Anger. During this phase the mere thought of your Ex starts to make your blood boil. All the reasons for your divorce will again become crystal clear in your mind and you’ll start to wonder why you ever put up with him/her for as long as you did. During this phase you’ll justify moving forward with your divorce. Being angry is very natural and I would think even a little bit healthy of a emotion to feel during this phase because it should confirm the reasons why you ended the marriage in the first place. All the vows that you were promised that were not held up; all the hard work you’ve put into the life you were building together; the money you’ve worked for that doesn’t or won’t survive the divorce; all this will seem like a slap in the face as everything is divided up or lost. When you find yourself in this phase please remember to keep your anger away from your kids and as strange as it sounds even away from your Ex. It’s perfectly OK to vent and feel angry or betrayed, but the worst thing you can ever do is bad mouth your Ex in front of your children. Promise you won’t ever do this! This puts your children square in the middle of having to choose sides which is not healthy for them as they love you both equally. Take the high road and vent to your close friends or family, but never directly to your children or even to your Ex. The end of this phase will only come when you end all battles and move on with your life.
3. Grief. The third phase is a feeling of grief. When this phase sets in, the divorce is usually final and a strange feeling of that finality comes over you and is often unexpected if you’re not prepared. You start to mourn the death of your marriage just as you would a person dying. After all you were once in love with this person and during this phase you’ll start to forget all the arguments and angered feelings and start remembering some of the good times–trips, vacations, the Christmases together, your children birthdays—all these memories will replace those bitter and difficult emotions of the first couple of phases you just went through. It is always natural and healthy to grieve. You might even during this phase feel a little depressed. Maybe even lose a little weight from lack of appetite. During this phase you may no longer have any desire to even look at the opposite sex and be totally against people trying to “fix you up.” Again this is all perfectly natural and will fade in time. Grief may last a year or more, but trust me it will fade as time moves on. It’s important during this phase to stay active and keep moving on with your life. Focus on building new memories and new routines with your children, family, and friends.
4. Self Pity. The fourth phase you’ll enter is a self pity phase. During this phase, grief gives way to apprehension and uncertainty about your future as a single person. You’ll find yourself questioning whether you’ll ever find someone new. During this phase you’ll start doubting yourself with relationships or even as a parent or person. Please know that the phase can be very short lived but could last longer than needed if you try to make life changing decisions while going through it. Never jump into a relationship or worse another marriage while going through this phase. If you get involved with someone just because you fear you’ll never find anyone better or you’re simply afraid to face life as a single person, then you’re only setting yourself up for a tough road ahead. This is diffidently not what you need to put yourself through again. Instead, use this time to re-discover yourself. During this time you should be thinking only about getting yourself back on your feet and loving who you are again.
5. Acceptance. The final phase of divorce you’ll go through is acceptance. This comes only years after the divorce is over. When your kids are settled and accepting their new life. Your Ex has moved on and even may have started dating again. You’ll find you’re looking forward to beginning life again and finding someone new. This is a great stage to enter because all the bitter feelings fade and you’ll find your happiness slowly returning. You’ll even come to an appreciation of all that you went through and emerge a much better person from it. Enjoy this phase because you’ll have a new acceptance of yourself. You’ll be focused, confident, and ready to face your future. Life will begin to get easier now and you’ll soon find someone who is what you’ve needed and been looking for all along.
All these phases of divorce will be tough, I’m not going to lie to you. Each one will try to kick your butt and will succeed if you let it. I hope you’ll find yourself in the acceptance phase as soon as time will allow, but sometimes it’s slow in coming. Be patient, trust in yourself and in your decisions. Know that the direction of that quiet still voice of resolve inside your mind which has be leading you all along is taking you in the right direction. Listen to it and follow it. The direction of your soul is always the right path for you to take in life. Follow it and you WILL be fine! You WILL make It through!
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