By Mariam Walker
I know, I know…It seems so easy doesn’t it? But is it wise to take back your Ex or even just have a hookup with them on occasion after divorce? Well, the short answer is No! Here’s 5 reasons why:
You’re Settling. Yes you’re settling. You’re settling because you obviously either hated, mistrusted, were exhausted by, disgusted by, leery of, guarded against, shattered by, exploited by, or out of love with your Ex in order to have divorced them in the first place, right? So why would everything just magically change now for the better as you enter your second, third, or god forbid fourth go ’round taking them back? I’m sorry but it’s NOT going to happen. Pure and simple if you take your Ex back after divorce, you’re merely settling and “giving up” on your own wants and needs in life. You’re resigning yourself to the fact that this is the best I can do, which is utterly and completely not true. Instead, go out there and find what you’re looking for instead of settling for what you’ve already ruled out.
The same problems will still remain. Ask yourself why your Ex would change now, when he/she was so unwilling to do so before your divorce? I call this the “gym membership syndrome”. You know how excited your were when you first got that gym membership? You started off exercising full of passion and excitement saying to yourself this time is gonna be different! Now fast forward about six months later to you driving down the road, steering with your knees; one hand clutching a doughnut and the other wrapped around an extra large polar pop! Does that ring a bell? This “Gym Membership Syndrome” also happens when you or your Ex tires of trying to be something they’re not until finally they’ll just give up all together and stop being what you need again. This cycle will continue forever no matter how many times you take them back. Better to find a new person who requires no workout on your part. After all, if there was a workout routine which requires little to no effort with better results wouldn’t you be onboard? Now go find that person!
If their was cheating, it will happen again. Self explanatory—If your Ex cheated on you pre divorce, they will do it again post divorce; period! No further discussion required—a cheater is always going to cheat because they love the attention and the thrill. And the only reason they stopped in the first place was because you caught them! Don’t ever let an Ex tell you they’ll never do it again and you take them back. All this does is make you have to catch them cheating all over again which will have the same result you just went through; not to mention a huge waste of time on your part. (Also quick side note: Don’t ever let kids be a factor in your staying or returning—as Dr. Phil says kids would rather be from a broken home, than to remain living in one.)
You will keep yourself from meeting new people. As long as you remain with or tied to your Ex, you will never know who could have been out there waiting for you. Remember in high school when that perfect guy/girl you always wanted to date was locked up dating that not-so-great-for-them person? Sucked didn’t it? Especially when you just knew that you were more perfect for them. So why are you doing the exact same thing to yourself as an adult? Why not just be totally free to explore new opportunities and new invitations as they come your way? Mr. or Mrs. Right will never approach you so long as you’re still dating your Ex. No one’s going to risk that kind of drama.
You’ll never find the life you were meant to live. If you take your Ex back you’ll never know the fulfilling life that perhaps could have been yours. None of us ever dreamed when we’re young that one day we would grow up to marry someone who would bring constant tears and constant drama to our lives, did we? Of Course Not! Life’s too short for that! So never slave yourself to anyone who makes you feel less than your best and never stop searching for the person of your dreams. You deserve them and know that you will certainly find them eventually—that is as soon as you finally quit seeing your Ex!
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