Divorced: Single and Free To Mingle

Have Fun, but Know Your Priorities: It’s perfectly normal and perhaps a little bit healthy to “sow a few wild oats” post divorce. Trying new experiences  could be something that speeds your recovery a bit faster or at minimum shields the many traumatic feelings which comes on post divorce. But watch out for letting these new found “vices” interfere with your real priorities. You should prioritizes your “wants” with the many needs of your family, career, and especially your children post divorce. Never let a new boy/girl-friend, lover, or one night stand take priority over time spent with them. If a new someone enters your life then never spend time with them when it’s your kid’s time with you. That said…..

Beware of the Rebound Romance or Dare I Say the Rebound Marriage: Post Divorce should be filled with “YOU” time only! Yes you can date; have some romantic encounters certainly, but a healthy post divorce time should also be used to re-discover who you are as a person and not  just to jump right back into to another relationship or even worse; a marriage which will lead to the very same misery you just escaped. Why put yourself through the same agony over and over again? (..what’s the definition of insanity?) If you feel this new person is the love of your life, then why rush things?  He/she can certainly wait a year or two to marry you, if they can’t – run!

Loneliness is Not Your Enemy: If you are the type of person who can’t be alone, then by all means have some one important in your life, just don’t rush into living together or worse, marrying this person right away. Even though you might hate it, try to live by yourself at least a full year to two before making such a commitment (..or even better would be 5 years) and make sure your partner respects that. Loneliness will not kill you! Dare I say, you may even need this alone time to fully heal from a divorce. Realize, no one else can ever entertain you 24/7 for the rest of your life. You must learn how to entertain yourself first before you can enjoy someone else’s company. If you think your new boy/girlfriend, partner, wife, or husband will do this then I’m afraid you’re heading for another divorce cause how can anyone else stand to be around you, if you can’t stand to be around you either?

Know That Depression is Divorce’s BFF: Beware of the divorce depression setting in and making you feel like no one will ever love you again, or you’re too old to find love. This is nonsense. There are billions of people in this world. People of all ages, sizes, and colors and you’ll certainly meet your share over the coming years. When you feel this depression coming on, don’t dwell on this too long. Find fun projects to do or even better become part of interest groups or volunteer your time in order to fill your days with a sense of purpose and hope for the future.

Thinking There’s No Time: Yes I know life’s too short, but being in a bad marriage or relationship will last forever! Better to be single and alone, than to be in a marriage alone. So there’s plenty of time. Don’t dwell on your age, biological clock, or any other factors that would speed an irrational decision.   You will find it! It will happen, but in the mean time work on the real love of your life which is YOU and YOUR FAMILY.