By Lucas WebbTo date or not to date– is that the question? OK, I’ll spare you my attempts at humor and get right to the point. When should you start dating after your divorce? Let’s look at the 5 signs that will let you know when you’re really ready:
When You Feel Excited Again. Time is a powerful healer isn’t it? Now that all the divorce drama is behind you and you can begin to think less and less about the past and more and more about the future, you’ll find the prospects of dating again might not seem as bad as they once did. I remember right after my divorce, I couldn’t even look at a woman with any kind of romantic vibe. People close to me were always trying to “help me out” by fixing me up with the latest available. Each time I tried, they all ended in a disaster since I kept seeing each potential lady as a new potential Ex. So looking back on it now, I clearly see I wasn’t ready to begin dating when I did. Knowing when you’re ready to date has less to do with the someone else, and more to do with your own feeling towards the thought of someone else. So when you find you’re feeling excited again about the many possibilities for your new life and become more and more open to the idea of finding someone new, take this excitement as a great sign that you’re ready to begin dating again.
When Your Kids Are Settled and Approve. If you’re like me, your number one focus during and after your divorce was making sure your children remained emotionally healthy throughout it. I know you have sacrificed a lot to make sure everything went along as smooth as possible, even at the expense of your own happiness. So now when you’ve found your kids have settled; seem to be happy, doing good in school, comfortable with their new arrangements–even pry every now and then about your love life, take this as a great sign that it’s time to start dating again. You’ve earned it and deserve some time for you!
When You Have No Hesitation About Asking Or Going. You’ve found someone you’re so excited about getting to know. You just can’t wait to ask or accept a date from this person. All your fears, hesitations, or dread about going out is now gone; then take this as a great sign that it’s time to start dating again. My very first date post divorce was with a fix up. It was about 6 months after my divorce and I was a nervous wreck the whole time. I just knew my Ex was going to somehow find out or see us together even though our divorce was by then final. I guess, I was still in my married mindset and boy did it ever feel like I was cheating. I was a total hot mess the whole night and not myself at all. I can only imagine how painful it was for my date. (side note: I ran into to her a short time ago and she ducked away from me trying to avoid me, poor thing. Sadly for both of us, we probably would have liked each other had she met me now—our date just so happened to be before I was ready.) So when you find yourself not hesitating to accept or ask any longer, or even care anymore what anyone else would think seeing you out, then go for it–you deserve to be happy!
When You Feel Self Confident Again. This is a huge sign to look for. Like I mentioned above, I once made all kinds of excuses not to date post divorce. I would say things to myself like, “I’ll ask her out when I get a better car or after I move out of this tiny apartment into a nice house like the one I had before. I’ll be better to date when I lose 20lbs, or I’ll go out when I’m able to afford better clothes…” Does all this sound familiar? So when you’re past saying all these things to yourself and your money, career, place in life now seem stable and right, then that’s a great sign that not only are you ready to date again, but you are open to the possibility of so much more out of a relationship and so much more out of your new life. So let your “Swag” show up and put yourself out there!
You’ll just know. I’ll end it with something very simple, cause we tend to over complicate things when it comes to relationships. When is it time to date after divorce? The answer will always be this–you’ll just know. Enough said.
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